Extramarital affairs often begin at work. When someone spends a large amount of time with a member of the opposite sex, attraction naturally occurs. This attraction is not necessarily due to compatible personalities, but often because the individuals are working closely, usually on the same project.
Projects that are intense or time-consuming are more likely to lead to romantic attraction than projects that don’t require much time or involvement. The proximity, amount of time spent together, and intense emotions that can arise when working on an important project can generate an attraction for each other that might not have occurred otherwise.
After the project is completed, often the relationship fizzles because there is nothing to sustain it. This project-generated attraction can be seen when movie stars fall in love with a co-star on set during the filming of a movie. The media feature these celebrity marriages that arise from on-set romance, and, often, within a short time, they feature the actors’ subsequent divorce. Some people claim that these movie star marriages are nothing more than publicity stunts, and some of them may be, but it’s likely that many are not. Many people fall prey to that kind of attraction when they spend a lot of time around one particular person, and even famous actors are not immune.
Cheating on Wife or Husband Can be Prevented
If someone is spending a lot of time with an opposite-sex coworker, and that coworker is not that person’s spouse, it can spell trouble. To prevent sexual affairs and emotional affairs, many marriage experts recommend limiting time spent with any one person at work, and never meeting that person outside of work. Brett and Kate McKay, at The Art of Manliness Blog, also have suggestions for preventing extramarital affairs. They recommend establishing rules, even if it means being perceived as a prude. Some examples of rules a married person might establish to prevent problems at work
- I will not ride in a car alone with someone of the opposite sex.
- The office door will remain open if I must have a one-on-one conversation at work.
- Whenever sexual tension arises, I will talk about my spouse, bringing up his/her interests, positive qualities, or kind deeds.
The McKays also warn that there is a problem the moment one begins to be secretive about things like phone calls, emails, or conversations. In a post on The Art of Manliness blog, they tell men, "The minute you fudge anything about your relationship with your female friend, you’ve stepped over the line."
Autors Disagree With Extramarital Affair "Just Happened"
Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer, in their book, The Script, say that when men cheat, it doesn’t just happen. An affair doesn’t begin on the spur of the moment; there is a progression, and cheating has a very subtle beginning.
The start of trouble could be something as seemingly innocuous as an innocent smile or compliment from a woman. It may not take many of these "wow, that felt good" moments, as Landers and Mainzer call them, before a man moves to the next step.
Landers and Mainzer do not believe that every husband cheats, however. They concede that some men will never cheat regardless of how many smiles they receive, innocent or otherwise. Setting some boundaries and personal rules can help people avoid temptation to have an affair at work, or anywhere else.
Jennifer Harshman - With more than 20 years of experience and education in her fields, she's also read more than one book for every day she has lived.
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