Attitudes, or beliefs, inform behavior, according to the cognitive theory of psychology and brain function experts such as Robert K. Cooper, Ph.D., author of Get Out of Your Own Way (Crown Business, 2006), and The Other 90% (Crown Publishing, 2001). What people believe about any given thing shapes their approach and actions regarding it.
Attitude Affects Behavior for Better or Worse
Bad attitudes about life and one’s place in it aren’t helpful; they lead to bad behavior. Changing these beliefs will change the children’s behavior. Anthony Robbins’ book, Awaken the Giant Within, (Simon and Schuster, 1991), Brian Tracy’s book, Goals! (Berrett-Koehler, 2004), and Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer’s book, The Success Principles (Harper Collins, 2005), all give examples of this, and the process by which the change takes place. Although these sources aren't "parenting resources" per se, their content pertains and is applicable to parenting, as to life in general.
Get Out of Your Own Way explains the topic more completely. In it, Cooper uses scientific terminology that pertains to the brain structures and functions responsible for beliefs, action and change, and lists ample references to research to back up his work (the book has 32 pages of endnotes).
Negative Beliefs a Cause of Bad Behavior in Children
Some of the things misbehaving children believe may be true – they may have power over their parents, and what they are doing might be the most effective way to get their parents to give them what they want – but none of those beliefs will serve them well in life. Children who believe that they can and should be able to do whatever they want whenever they want will have problems not only while they are still children, but also when they become adults.
Imagine adults who throw temper tantrums, do what they want to do and don’t do anything they don’t want to do. Doing that for even a short time would have serious consequences. In Have a New Kid by Friday (Revell, 2008), author Kevin Leman asks, “What would life be like at the end of those 30 days? A mess! We wouldn’t have a job because we would have dissed our boss. Our friends would have said, 'Forget you.’ And someone would have shot us on the expressway.’”
What Do Children With Behavior Problems Believe?
Children who intentionally break the rules or have outbursts of temper when they don’t get their way do so because they believe certain things, such as:
- They believe that they have the right to get what they want, when they want it, no matter what.
- They believe that they should have power over their parents.
- They believe that they do have power over their parents.
- They believe that this behavior is the best way to get what they want.
Addressing these kinds of beliefs can help bring about a behavior change in a child. Part of maturing is learning one’s place in the world, coming out of a self-centered focus and realizing that other people’s needs are just as important and valid as one’s own.
What About a Child With Behavior Disorder or Other Special Needs?
Children with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance, Bipolar Disorder, Aspergers, Autism or other diagnoses, along with their parents, may believe that because they have a psychiatric label, this information doesn't apply to them. These situations don't absolve children or parents of their responsibility, they just make it even harder for them to accomplish this goal of changing attitudes and bringing about acceptable behavior.
It should be noted that some behavior may stem from psychiatric or other medial issues and not from other sources such as parental example. If parents suspect that there may be more to a child's behavior, such as a psychiatric or other medical cause, they should consult an appropriate professional.
Jennifer Harshman - With more than 20 years of experience and education in her fields, she's also read more than one book for every day she has lived.
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